Just when you think the miracle of Christmas is a holey old joke of a sock- You go to Wisconsin and everything changes.
I live in California. And I love it. But the only other place I would consider living in this world is Wisconsin. Imagine my ultimate joy when I found out that my small clan and I would be celebrating the birth of C in an unincorporated village on the snow filled plains of Wisconsin this year. Yahtzee!
On Christmas day, my family piled into my father's beloved mini van and off we drove to my cousins house- All very "Over the river and through the woods." Amidst explaining to my other cousin the Oakland slang, "Doin too much," my dad drove off the road and into a ditch. Whether he was "doin too much" or "not enough" is still up for debate.
The family squawked about for a minute or two, complaining of cold, making jokes and generally being useless when a little blue light from the distance started bobbing towards us. It was The Amish. Or An Amish. A man with a very long beard. As he chatted with the other Men, another Amish came by. In a horse drawn buggy. A voice from it shouted, "I would help but cars are ugly!"
Mokay. I didn't know the Amish were so feisty. Feisty and efficient. Within 5 minutes the bobbing blue light man came back to us with a small metal wagon sleigh thing attached to a pair of enormous horses. As fast as you could say, "Amish you a Merry Christmas!" the Amish tied a chain from the van to the wagon, cried yehaw; his mighty horses plucking the van from its snowy resting place- then disappeared back into the barn from whence they came.
A country Christmas Miracle. I was thrilled, my faith (in horses) restored, my hands numb from clapping in 30 degree weather. We hopped back into the van to the aroma of Roast Beast and exulted. The Amish are doin just right and yes, cars are ugly.
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Don't Forget to Love Yourself
My students and I wrote this song.
I love myself,
I am very attractive,
Everything I do
is super duper positive.
I'm nice,
I'm cool,
I'm good,
I'm a rockstar.
Bet ya didn't know
I live on Planet Ma-ars.
I'm an alien shark
with High Self-Esteem,
I'm so cool
I'm on the Ice Cream Team.
I love myself,
I am very attractive,
Everything I do
is super duper positive.
I'm nice,
I'm cool,
I'm good,
I'm a rockstar.
Bet ya didn't know
I live on Planet Ma-ars.
I'm an alien shark
with High Self-Esteem,
I'm so cool
I'm on the Ice Cream Team.
Friday, December 10, 2010
School is Bomb!
The high school drop out rate is on the rise. There are a lot of scary statistics out there saying so. The worst kind of statistics. The kind you won't really think about until the day America loses the Battle of the Universe to Lithuania and we are all wearing McDonalds French Fry cups for mittens. Everyone will want to know- How did we lose to Lithuania?
A failing and progressively ineffective public education system will be the answer. Well, one of them at least.
If it's not the fact that public ed is still stuck in a education model that was made in the industrial era- prioritizing skills more useful in the factory than in the innovation of the global market- it will be a sheer numbers game.
There won't be enough people to fight for American freedom because not enough people will be able to have the freedom of a High School diploma *. Without a diploma * you can't join the military. Without military power, you lose the Battle of the Universe. Tic Toc. Tic Toc.
As I was driving to school the other day I heard a wonderful commercial on the radio urging young people to go back to school! Ernest and free flowing voices of urban youth spoke of their teenage parenthood, incarcerations, and homelessness. Education they claimed, was their only option for success. Of course, I was tearing up, passionately nodding my head and gripping the steering wheel in fierce agreement. When they finished, "This announcement is sponsored by the United States Army."
It reminded me of a speech Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education, gave wherein he stated, "75 percent of young Americans, between the ages of 17 to 24, are unable to enlist in the military today because they have failed to graduate from high school, have a criminal record *, or are physically unfit."
75%. Great for an outlet mall. Terrible for the United States. Now, I'm not an alarmist, NRA member, war monger or any other such proponent of bombs, violence, or the killing of innocent babies, but like it or not, the military is necessary for National Security. We want it strong for various reasons. Plus, it's been helpful for things like stopping Hitler and keeping out terrorists.......oh wait, nevermind.
Should the Battle of the Universe take place in an era low on high school graduates, American military will be understaffed, ill-prepared, and the rest of us could be at risk for an unwelcomed draft.
Dramatic? Yes. Lose sleep? Not just yet. Another reason why Public ed is in crisis and needs a massive overhaul? HU-RAH!
A failing and progressively ineffective public education system will be the answer. Well, one of them at least.
If it's not the fact that public ed is still stuck in a education model that was made in the industrial era- prioritizing skills more useful in the factory than in the innovation of the global market- it will be a sheer numbers game.
There won't be enough people to fight for American freedom because not enough people will be able to have the freedom of a High School diploma *. Without a diploma * you can't join the military. Without military power, you lose the Battle of the Universe. Tic Toc. Tic Toc.
As I was driving to school the other day I heard a wonderful commercial on the radio urging young people to go back to school! Ernest and free flowing voices of urban youth spoke of their teenage parenthood, incarcerations, and homelessness. Education they claimed, was their only option for success. Of course, I was tearing up, passionately nodding my head and gripping the steering wheel in fierce agreement. When they finished, "This announcement is sponsored by the United States Army."
It reminded me of a speech Arne Duncan, Secretary of Education, gave wherein he stated, "75 percent of young Americans, between the ages of 17 to 24, are unable to enlist in the military today because they have failed to graduate from high school, have a criminal record *, or are physically unfit."
75%. Great for an outlet mall. Terrible for the United States. Now, I'm not an alarmist, NRA member, war monger or any other such proponent of bombs, violence, or the killing of innocent babies, but like it or not, the military is necessary for National Security. We want it strong for various reasons. Plus, it's been helpful for things like stopping Hitler and keeping out terrorists.......oh wait, nevermind.
Should the Battle of the Universe take place in an era low on high school graduates, American military will be understaffed, ill-prepared, and the rest of us could be at risk for an unwelcomed draft.
Dramatic? Yes. Lose sleep? Not just yet. Another reason why Public ed is in crisis and needs a massive overhaul? HU-RAH!
Saturday, October 30, 2010
You Know Your Cat Is Your Best Friend...
When you file into the bathroom together, go to your respective receptacles and share a morning pee with each other. Everyday.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Best Guests
I just had four friends from Chicago short noticedly stay at my house this past week. At first I was a little, "Ah shit, What did I agree to?" But then became obsessed with finding the perfect cat litter.
The first night we hung out they bought me dinner.
The second day we hung out- they allowed me to take them surfing. Aka- I got to go surfing on a weekday- aka their vacation became my vacation.
They stuck Harold and Kumar into the DVD player while cooking a delicious meal and made me a vodka soda with lime.
They cleaned my kitchen leaving it in better shape than when they arrived.
They invited me to Napa to drink more vodka sodas with lime, eat more delicious food- we're talkin fresh oysters from the seaside, insisted we go wine tasting, and supported my decision to buy apple flavored Licorice.
Really the Award goes out to couch surfers who know how to treat couch owners. God bless ya!
The first night we hung out they bought me dinner.
The second day we hung out- they allowed me to take them surfing. Aka- I got to go surfing on a weekday- aka their vacation became my vacation.
They stuck Harold and Kumar into the DVD player while cooking a delicious meal and made me a vodka soda with lime.
They cleaned my kitchen leaving it in better shape than when they arrived.
They invited me to Napa to drink more vodka sodas with lime, eat more delicious food- we're talkin fresh oysters from the seaside, insisted we go wine tasting, and supported my decision to buy apple flavored Licorice.
Really the Award goes out to couch surfers who know how to treat couch owners. God bless ya!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Why is my ear hecka wobbly?
Yesterday, as I was lining my students up from recess, I heard a horrified yelp from the back of the line. I looked back into the small face of my newest student,let's call him Jorge - Fernando, yelling in a panic "WHY IS MY EAR HECKA WOBBLY!?!"
I let him touch my ear to assure him that everyones ears are hecka wobbly. He then started to squeeze his ear into a pair of lips and began talking to me. "My ear is talking," he said and filed into the classroom.
This is why I love my job.
I let him touch my ear to assure him that everyones ears are hecka wobbly. He then started to squeeze his ear into a pair of lips and began talking to me. "My ear is talking," he said and filed into the classroom.
This is why I love my job.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Robin Williams, You Have It All
When making my Top 5 Most Perfect Movies list I considered the movie Hook. But then I watched it on the USA channel at my parent’s house in Minnesota for the 8 millionth time. And you know - as much as Dustin Hoffman virtually disappears as an actor in his genius depiction of a poetic yet bumbling drama queen of a Captain Hook and that infamous imaginary food fight has lead me to experiment with food coloring on mash potatoes and scour the earth for a glass of BoBo- the movie is kind of annoying. I really hated Peter Banning’s sappy 10 year old son crybabying over how his dad never watches him play baseball and that weirdo scene where Julia Roberts turns into a life size princess Tinkerbell and tries to get into Robin Williams' pants. Of course RU-FI-OOOO was a 1991 wet dream and a half and the lost boys were a charming amalgamation of thoughtful raggamuffinry, but all in all, Hook was far from perfection. It is, HOWEVER, a pretty darn good Robin Williams flick.
Robin, Robin, Robin. So many movies. So many Laughs. So many tears. Love him or hate him- the dude has skillz. Therefore I came up with the best and worst of Robin William’s oeurve. Note: Half the movies on the Goddawful list I have not seen but am fully confident in their excruciating dreadfullness based on trailers and general life experience.
Top 10 Most Brilliant Robin Williams Movies
1.) Ms. Doubtfire
2.) Aladdin
3.) The Birdcage
4.) Death to Smoochy
5.) Deconstructing Harry
6.) Dead Poets Society
7.) Hook
8.) The Word According to Garp
9.) Good Will Hunting
10.) Patch Adams
Top 10 Most Goddawful Robin Williams Movies
1.) August Rush
2.) The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
3.) Night At the Museum 1 and 2
4.) License to Wed
5.) Jumanji
6.) One Hour Photo
7.) Old Dogs
8.) Fern Gully
9.) Insomnia
10.) Patch Adams
I’m not gunna lie- I fricken love RW. He’s a nutjob and I wish we were roommates. We’d sit around drinking absinthe all day doing character monologues back and forth until we woke up the next morning singing “You Never Had A Friend Like Me” while washing the dishes. Oh, What Dreams May Come!
Robin, Robin, Robin. So many movies. So many Laughs. So many tears. Love him or hate him- the dude has skillz. Therefore I came up with the best and worst of Robin William’s oeurve. Note: Half the movies on the Goddawful list I have not seen but am fully confident in their excruciating dreadfullness based on trailers and general life experience.
Top 10 Most Brilliant Robin Williams Movies
1.) Ms. Doubtfire
2.) Aladdin
3.) The Birdcage
4.) Death to Smoochy
5.) Deconstructing Harry
6.) Dead Poets Society
7.) Hook
8.) The Word According to Garp
9.) Good Will Hunting
10.) Patch Adams
Top 10 Most Goddawful Robin Williams Movies
1.) August Rush
2.) The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
3.) Night At the Museum 1 and 2
4.) License to Wed
5.) Jumanji
6.) One Hour Photo
7.) Old Dogs
8.) Fern Gully
9.) Insomnia
10.) Patch Adams
I’m not gunna lie- I fricken love RW. He’s a nutjob and I wish we were roommates. We’d sit around drinking absinthe all day doing character monologues back and forth until we woke up the next morning singing “You Never Had A Friend Like Me” while washing the dishes. Oh, What Dreams May Come!
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