I had the godforsaken flu this week. It was/is a completely heinous experience. Sleep is inconceivable because my body has become a hostile, terrible cell in which I am a solitary prisoner. All entertainment such as movies, tv, books, radio is a cruel mockery of the extreme apathy I currently embrace. And I am a damp, moist, sweaty, soiled, stinky, useless blob of flesh. Imagine your worst hangover ever. The morning you woke up with a penis tattoo on your forehead and a pair of shitstained shorts in the trash can. This is the Flu.
Apparently I am not alone: In one year, two flu seasons cause approximately 3 to 5 million severe cases of influenza, and up to 500,000 deaths. According to the natural order of things Influenza pandemics occur every 10 to 20 years. The Spanish know this one well as they experienced the most violent pandemic ever recorded which killed 40 to 100 million people in 1918. Ouch. Can you imagine all those people with penis tattoos waking up to each other's shitstains and sweatsoaked outlines drawn into the bedsheets, all sour mouthed and miserable?
Get Your Flu Shots People! Eat Right, Exercise! And take this moment to thank who ever it is you thank, that you do not have The Flu.
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