As you can tell, I've been learning how to Photoshop. It is so exhilarating to learn a new skill. And I have to admit I'm a bit obsessed now. My entire commute home today was dedicated to the imagination of my next Photoshop project, mentally moving the magnetic lasso over the outline of Superwoman's sumptuous outline, adding layer upon layer, heightening the contrast of her flowing black locks, then flattening OH YES! flattening! This is where the Ecstasy part comes in. There's something so juicy, so undeniable, so absolutely gorgeous about Photoshop. There's the freedom, and the process, the immediate gratification and the endless options, the playground of google images and the CLONE TOOL, the impermanence of your choices and the possibility of perfection. Yes! More! Much Much More! I couldn't stop if I tried.
This past Sunday, I spent 9 hours straight working on the Mucca Pazza poster in my last post. I didn't eat, I didn't go to the bathroom, I barely drank anything, and when my boyfriend insisted I take a break and enjoy some cuddle-time USA (which I LOVE and ALWAYS go for)- I shoved him out of my way. My body was cold and uncomfortable, my head hurt, and my eyeballs felt like they were about to drop out of their sockets. When given helpful tips from friends I became testy and impatient. Angry. Bitter. I cursed the lord profusely, cracking my neck violently all the while and stared transfixed at the blazing godawful screen. This is the Agony.
It was all together horrible. Yet entirely filled with bliss.
I've been thinking about this for the past few days. This Agony and This Ecstasy go far beyond Photoshop. In my world, I relate this dynamic to the creative process, whether the medium be music, painting, poetry or yes, Photoshop. All the conflict that goes into creation- the pain, and the pleasure- is was causes the creation to take form. Ah, a paradox. Chicken or the Egg. I suffer if I don't make things and I suffer when I do. I am free and happy when I'm lying in my bed (cuddling perhaps), just enjoying my thoughts, and I am delighted when I'm obsessed and focused on a project.
The word Agony also means Passion in reference to the Passion of Christ. Ecstasy, in religious terms, is an altered state of consciousness, one of spiritual awareness, visions and euphoria. Christ must have experienced Ecstasy in order to commit to the Agony. Or maybe the Agony put him into a state of Ecstasy. Scientifically, the relationship is symbiotic. Personally, I am thrilled...oh and miserable...
As an artist I have experienced the dichotomy of Agony and Ecstasy, as if on repeat, in every project I have worked on. In some the agony outweighed Ecstasy and in others it was vice versa. But I will never forget the time I attempted to drill a screw into the base of a tree trunk that was part of the enchanted forest I made in college. The drill slipped and tore right through my forefinger. Blood poured out. In my pain and in sight of all the red, all I could do was laugh. A deep, exalted, guttural kind of laugh.
And as my tears of laughter mixed with my finger blood on the floor I thought, "Man, this is the best."
It was all together horrible. Yet entirely filled with bliss.
I've been thinking about this for the past few days. This Agony and This Ecstasy go far beyond Photoshop. In my world, I relate this dynamic to the creative process, whether the medium be music, painting, poetry or yes, Photoshop. All the conflict that goes into creation- the pain, and the pleasure- is was causes the creation to take form. Ah, a paradox. Chicken or the Egg. I suffer if I don't make things and I suffer when I do. I am free and happy when I'm lying in my bed (cuddling perhaps), just enjoying my thoughts, and I am delighted when I'm obsessed and focused on a project.
The word Agony also means Passion in reference to the Passion of Christ. Ecstasy, in religious terms, is an altered state of consciousness, one of spiritual awareness, visions and euphoria. Christ must have experienced Ecstasy in order to commit to the Agony. Or maybe the Agony put him into a state of Ecstasy. Scientifically, the relationship is symbiotic. Personally, I am thrilled...oh and miserable...
As an artist I have experienced the dichotomy of Agony and Ecstasy, as if on repeat, in every project I have worked on. In some the agony outweighed Ecstasy and in others it was vice versa. But I will never forget the time I attempted to drill a screw into the base of a tree trunk that was part of the enchanted forest I made in college. The drill slipped and tore right through my forefinger. Blood poured out. In my pain and in sight of all the red, all I could do was laugh. A deep, exalted, guttural kind of laugh.
And as my tears of laughter mixed with my finger blood on the floor I thought, "Man, this is the best."
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